March 24, 2010

Friendly Bit of Advice #3: Cut Loose, Footloose

Bought: Shoes
Price: <$10 except the heeled Candies boots Place: Goodwill, Pleasant Hill; Anna's Attic; Goodwill, Concord; Good Samaritan Thrift Store, San Diego; Salvation Army, Concord (R.I.P.)

Today, we're going to talk about the one most terrifying thrift store item.

No, not the undergarment. We're going to pretend that those don't even exist there. There is absolutely no way I would ever look at those, much less touch them. And buying them would be an early sign of a brain aneurysm.

The Shoe.

I know. Don't be scared.

The Shoe is like the Holy Grail or the Lost Ark (or any other Biblical artifact that has since been turned into a mainstream movie title) of the thrift store.
Most people don't get rid of their shoes, unless they're completely worn out, making The Shoe search more difficult.

So in true Monty Python and Indiana Jones fashion, let's turn this into a scavenger hunt.

1. Find The Shoe that is in style.

2. It's in style? See if it fits. If it doesn't, place back on the rack and go back to step 1.
Cinderella Step-Sister-Like behavior is generally frowned upon.

3. It fits? Find its mate. If you can't, place back on the rack and go back to step 1 or ask an employee for assistance.

4. It's in style, it fits, and "it" is now a "they"?! Check the price. Depending on the uniqueness and quality of the shoe, place back on the rack if it's over $10.

5. Fend off anybody else who is eying your shoes. View other customers as enemy scavenger hunt competitors who will potentially take you down if you find one of their items. Tuck your find under your arm and sprint for the cash register. Unnecessary roughness will be flagged and may result in expulsion from the hunt, so be sure to barrel someone over only if the ref has his eyes closed.

6. Oh no... You're not finished yet. High-tail it home, and whip out your disinfectant spray. Take your shoes outside and spray those suckers off until you just about can't breathe with all the toxins in the air. Leave outside to dry.

7. Do a victory dance, for you have won the hunt! Gloating optional, but generally encouraged.
Scavenger Hunt Completion Party


Katie said...

oh my gosh, i love you.
"cinderella step-sister-like behavior is generally frowned upon"
i miss you kelly

dana michelle said...

Kelly. my dear sweet grapefruit KELLY ANN


i would like to say that your have an amazing gift. {i spelled gift - gife}

you have the most amazing way of painting with your words and making them SO FREAKING ENJOYABLE TO READ!

as you know i am not a reader. but you however - i dont know. but you are an amazing writer and i love you and the things you say.

peace love and rock n roll!

- Dana Michelle